Do zombies’ heads normally explode on their own? That’s what I wondered as I peered over the second story balcony. Perhaps they were getting too brainy, trying to solve the Riemann hypothesis before making a meal of their neighbor. They could also be thinking about their ex-wives. Yeah, that ought to do it.
I rubbed my eyes and looked through the riflescope again, just to make sure that I wasn’t deceiving myself. Snap, snap snap…plop! Another one bit the dust. That’s strange. I didn’t recall any gunfire at the time. Something else was supplying the fireworks.
I’d been hiding on top of a seafood restaurant for the past two days, overlooking a small ghost town in the middle of the woods. The fish had gone bad, but the zombies didn’t seem to mind the smell. I was able to salvage a few delicacies from the pantry below: oyster crackers, breadsticks, ketchup, ranch dressing, croutons, bottled water, Arizona Iced Tea and delicious hush puppies.
Ah, hush puppies…how I worship you, almighty hush puppy! Few meals are known to expand the stomach and trick you into believing that you’re full. A few pieces with a little honey butter on top are all I need and I’m good for the evening. That’ll keep me alive longer and prevent my stomach from rumbling in the middle of a firefight. What more can I ask for?
Suddenly another zombie’s head exploded, causing me to drop my esteemed piece of fried dough. Even with a little dirt on it, it still tasted marvelous. You didn’t think that I’d let it go to waste, did you?
I tried to imagine an angle that a shot could have come from. Nothing. It was really just me up here.
Another head exploded. Then another. Hey, I could get used to this. There’s nothing better than a town filled with self-deprecating meatheads. That is, until I saw something slithering out of their skulls.
Perhaps they’ve had one too many of these mind-blowing hush puppies.
The creatures were about a foot in length and pale like the gray matter that they gestated in. Zombies tried to pursue their quick, snake-like movements, but were far too slow. And when one tried to block the raptor’s path, it burrowed right through the zombie’s stomach.
The zombie stood there, staring at its dangling entrails and confusing them with the creature that had just passed through. He chomped away at his own intestines, feeling no worse for wear while the parasite slithered away. Others joined in the festivities, taking a bite of their neighbor’s tasty, slimy guts. For a moment, he was the life of the party until his innards ran out and his restless guests devoured the rest of him.
The creature almost made a clean getaway until something scooped it up. Like magic, the worm floated in the air, both heads snapping at the unknown force. Was David Copperfield in the audience?
Briefly the soldier materialized, a bevy of mirrored armor covering it from head to toe. It tied the creature in a knot, shoved it in a foil bag, and walked away. Though I wanted to get a better look through my scope, I remained still. The soldier stopped, looked over their shoulder, and scanned the area carefully. A moment later their armor glowed and they disappeared from view.
“What the heck?” I whispered to myself. I must be in the middle of a top-secret military project. And there was something else that caught my eye. The stranger…moved like a woman…
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